January 16th with @ryanevans_astrology
“This is the Dance which brings the Dead to the living to say, I’m with you every day, you know.”
-Cloud Cult, ‘Dance of the Dead’- Meaning of 8
I spent a moment and realized that it was as if I was connected to every ancestor who lived before me. In that one instant I felt it all. Each arrow in the back, each thirst for water, every joy and scream of pleasure and every heartache with each hurt were present and accessible. It’s as if they all welled up at once and fell into my being, not like a tidal wave but like a slowly growing charge of electricity. Buzzing with feeling, I knew that it was as if all of their eyes were on me. With a plethora of failures and shortcomings triggers and trauma response prior to this moment my confidence trembled as I felt all of their hope, all of their chances for rest and freedom and redemption on me. Can I own the wounds of ten thousand generations? How can I heal these ancient patterns and programs and keep them from ever coming back? How can I rewrite the old lies to become new truths? The Cross of ten thousand generations was, for a moment, crippling. I screamed and wailed. It was too much. Then I realized that I had a choice now, wherever I was. I could have failed just a moment ago or a year or a lifetime or ten thousand generations ago, but awareness of the patterns, consciously owning the choices made, forgiving the humanness of insanity and trauma response, and working deliberately toward rewriting scripts, making impeccably honest choices, helps to heal the generations before us who couldn’t. The work is up. We can be grateful for the opportunities to rewrite ancient patterns. Deep healing only happens with some form of catharsis. Go chant, pray, talk to your ancestors, share your fears, express the grief, appropriately channel your anger… because healing our individual wounds now could literally change the past.
The gardening calendar says to water the plants
The space calendar shows a full moon a-comin. ...